You’ve found “the one.”  You’re ready to commit to forever.  While your relationship may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages, you may want to take a step back to make sure that you truly know the person that you will be spending the rest of your life with.  Here are ten things that young couples should know before getting married:

Don’t fall in love with looks

We all know that after a couple of kids and a few years’ time, you and your partner are going to change physically.  Perhaps it is gaining or losing weight, fine lines and wrinkles appear, gray hairs start to replace the brown, blonde, or red—none of us can escape the effects of aging.  Just understand going in that you aren’t marrying how someone looks, you are marrying who they are.  So it is fine to be physically attracted to your partner, but more importantly, be attracted to the conversations that you have and the way they make your feel as a person.  The outer person will change, while the inner person will not.

Value your friendship

Who is the first person that you want to tell when something great happens?  Your best friend, right?  Well, your relationship with your future spouse should be like this too.  When you value your spouse as your best friend too, then you have a deeper commitment and more commonality to fall back on when times get tough.

Every day won’t be a bed of roses

When you are first dating someone, you get butterflies in your stomach and feelings of elation.  The “honeymoon” phase or the feelings of “being in love” won’t last forever.  Romance and intimacy are important factors in a relationship, but understand that every day won’t be filled with this.

Love is a commitment, not a feeling

Love isn’t just about how your spouse makes you feel or how you feel about them.  It is a commitment to invest time, energy, and care into another person’s life.  There will be days that you won’t feel like it, you may even be upset with something your spouse has said or done, but the commitment you made to love is what will drive you to work things out and keep your relationship moving forward.

There is never a better time to start saving for the future than right now

Don’t make the mistake of pushing off investing for your future.  As a young married couple, there will be many things that compete for your financial resources — the down payment on your first house, having a baby, taking vacations (and of course, once those kids grow up—putting them through college) – so if you push off retirement savings until you have “enough money,” you might never start.  Get into the habit early on and make it a part of your budget from the very beginning.

Talk about your life and financial goals

Communicating what is important to each of you before you tie the knot is paramount.  If you want to travel the world and then consider buying a house and having children, but your future spouse wants to settle down, buy a home, and have children right away, you will start out your life together in disagreement. If your partner is a life-long city dweller and you like the country, it can be challenging to find a place where you’re both comfortable and happy.  Talk to each other and be open and honest about what you want, but be willing to compromise as well.

Don’t expect your partner to make you happy.

Yes, they will make you feel happy much of the time, but if you expect them to make you feel happy all the time, then you are going to be greatly disappointed the first time your spouse doesn’t want to do the same thing you do, give you the compliment that you expect, or react the way that you want.  Make sure that before you get married, you are happy with yourself.  Joy comes from within.

Observe spending habits

How your future spouse spent money before you get married is a pretty good indicator of how they will value finances after you get married.  Believe it or not, disagreements over finances are the third most common cause of divorce in the US.  That can range from disagreement on how money should be spent, how much should be saved, or feeling the strain of not being able to pay the bills. While you can’t prevent all money troubles – layoffs, cost of living increases, car and home repairs, and other unexpected expenses will always be part of life, married or not – you can make sure that you and your spouse are a united team in facing those issues, rather than fighting the problem and each other at once.

Extended family

While you may not be living with your spouse’s family on a day-to-day basis, these will be the people that you will be spending holidays with, celebrating birthdays with, and even vacationing with… so you should get to know them before getting married.  How do these family members interact with one another? Is there drama and arguing, or does everyone seem to get along?  How does your spouse interact with your family?

Religion, Values, and Children

These are probably the most important things that need to be talked about before you walk down the aisle.  Are you both the same religion, and if not, which religion will you practice? If you both keep your own religions, how will that influence your family values and how you will raise your children? Speaking of children, you also should talk about whether or not you want children,; how many children you want; whether you want to have children the old-fashioned way, via surrogacy, or through adoption; and when you want to start growing your family.  For many people, these issues aren’t negotiable, so making sure that you are on the same page before marriage is of the utmost importance.

Katie Moore, CDFA, a Financial Planner and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst with Finivi is passionate about empowering savvy independent women, and women in transition due to a divorce, the death of a spouse, a career change, or other significant life event to expand their knowledge and build their confidence regarding money and investing.

PLEASE NOTE: The information being provided is strictly as a courtesy. When you link to any of these web-sites provided here, you are leaving this site. Our company makes no representation as to the completeness or accuracy of information provided at these sites. Nor is the company liable for any direct or indirect technical or system issues or any consequences arising out of your access to or your use of third-party technologies, sites, information and programs made available through this site.